Lesson 18: お気持ちはありがたいのですが、受け取らない決まりになっております (Okimochi wa Arigatai no desu ga, Uketora nai Kimari ni Natte Orimasu)

Declining Gifts Politely

English Title: Explaining rules politely when refusing gifts

🎧 Audio:
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Role-play Setup

You work at a care facility or hospital, and a family member is visiting their elderly relative who has just moved in or is being treated there. The family wants to give you a gift (food or other items) to thank the staff for taking care of their family member. However, your facility has a rule against accepting gifts from patients’ families. You need to politely decline the gift while making it clear that you appreciate their kind intentions and that the refusal is due to facility policy, not personal preference.

Full Script & Explanation

Scene 1: Asking About Visiting Hours

Family Member:
面会は何時まででしたっけ。
Menkai wa nan-ji made deshita kke.
When do visiting hours end again?

Grammar Note: The speaker is asking when visiting hours end, even though they have already been told this information. Attaching「～でしたっけ」is used to make confirmations or clarifications. Rather than just asking「何時までですか/でしたか」, change the「ですか/でしたか」to「でしたっけ」to make this form. This is more casual than saying「～でしたか」, so it is often used from superiors to subordinates or among equals. When you’re asking about new information, use「面会は何時までですか」instead.

Staff:
面会時間は、午後7時30分までになっております。
Menkai jikan wa, gogo shichi-ji sanjuppun made ni natte orimasu.
Our rule is that visiting hours end at 7:30 PM.

Grammar Note: 「～になっております」is used to explain that something is a rule, or has been decided. Simply saying「午後7時30分までです」is also acceptable, but using「までになっております」lets the listener know that this is an established rule.

Scene 2: Confirming Understanding

Family Member:
それなら仕事終わりでも来られるね。
Sore nara shigoto-owari demo korareru ne.
In that case, we could come after work.

Grammar Note: 「それなら」(In that case) is used here to mean「7時30分までなら」(since visiting hours are until 7:30).「仕事終わり」means「仕事が終わったあとでも」(even after finishing work). The「ね」in「来られるね」is used as a confirmation. Here, it’s a confirmation between family members.

Family Member:
父もこれで安心です。
Chichi mo kore de anshin desu.
Now we know Dad is in good hands.

Grammar Note: 「これで」is used here to mean「説明を聞いて」(Now that I’ve heard this explanation) or「入居して」(Now that he is all moved in). The speaker is speaking for his whole family in this instance.

Scene 3: Expressing Gratitude

Family Member:
部屋も気に入ってくれたようですし、いろいろよろしくお願いします。
Heya mo ki ni itte kureta yō desu shi, iroiro yoroshiku onegai-shimasu.
It seems like he likes his room, too. Thank you.

Grammar Note: 「気に入ってくれたようです」uses the formula「気に入る（てform）＋くれた＋ようです」. The speaker is saying that he thinks his father likes his new room based on his reaction. The verb「くれた」is suitable for use here, as it is between family members. It is also okay to use in reference to subordinates. For superiors, use「気に入ってもらったようですし、」.

Staff:
よろしくお願いいたします。
Yoroshiku onegai-itashimasu.
Of course.

Grammar Note: The staff member is using the humble form「いたします」instead of「します」to be more polite.

Scene 4: Preparing to Leave

Family Member:
じゃ、そろそろ失礼しようか。
Ja, sorosoro shitsurei shiyō ka.
Well, shall we get going?

Grammar Note: 「失礼する」is used when leaving a place or room. It literally means “to be rude” but is a polite way to announce your departure.

Staff:
どうもありがとうございました。
Dōmo arigatō gozaimashita.
Thank you very much.

Scene 5: Offering a Gift

Family Member:
あのこれ、少しですが、どうぞ皆さんで召し上がってください。
Ano kore, sukoshi desu ga, dōzo mina-san de meshiagatte kudasai.
This is just a small gift, but please take it!

Grammar Note: This is a phrase often used when giving gifts in Japan.「召し上がってください」is a more respectful way to say「食べてください」. The dictionary form is「召し上がる」and is a formal version of「食べる」.「少しですが」is a phrase often used when giving a present. It is a humble way to say「少なくてすみませんが」. By the way, this phrase is even used when the gift is impressive.

Scene 6: Initial Polite Refusal

Staff:
お気持ちだけ頂きます。
Okimochi dake itadakimasu.
That’s very kind, but I can’t accept.

Grammar Note: Due to a facility rule, the speaker cannot accept the gift. To politely refuse, use this expression to let the listener know you appreciate their kind intentions. Literally: “I’ll just receive your feelings/sentiment.”

Family Member:
いえいえ。
Ie ie.
I insist!

Grammar Note: In this case,「いえいえ」is being used to try to get the listener to accept the gift. In other words,「そうは言わずにどうぞ受け取ってください」(Don’t say that. Please, I insist that you take it!).

🔑 KEY PHRASE

お気持ちはありがたいのですが、受け取らない決まりになっております。
Okimochi wa arigatai no desu ga, uketoranai kimari ni natte orimasu.
That’s so kind, but our rules do not allow me to accept a gift.

Explanation:
This phrase is essential for politely declining gifts while maintaining good relationships: 1.「お気持ちはありがたい」- “Your sentiment is appreciated” (acknowledges their kindness) 2.「のですが」- “but…” (polite contrasting connector) 3.「受け取らない決まりになっております」- “it’s a rule not to accept” (explains it’s policy, not personal)

The speaker cannot accept the gift due to a facility rule, and must politely explain this to the listener.「お気持ちはありがたい」means that you appreciate the kind gesture that the listener made by purchasing a gift. Using the phrase「～という決まりになっております」shows that the speaker is just following a rule, and is not rejecting the gift due to personal reasons. This depersonalizes the refusal and makes it easier for both parties to accept.

Scene 7: Accepting the Explanation

Family Member:
そうなんですか。
Sō na n desu ka.
Oh, is that so.

Grammar Note: This is an expression of surprise, in this case with a nuance of disappointment.

Family Member:
施設の決まりだから仕方ないよ。これで失礼しよう。
Shisetsu no kimari dakara shikata nai yo. Kore de shitsurei shiyō.
Well, if it’s a rule then it can’t be helped. All right, let’s head out.

Grammar Note: 「仕方ないよ」can also be said as「仕方がないよ」. Since the gift can’t be accepted due to a facility rule, the speaker isn’t able to give the gift. The「これで」in「これで失礼しよう。」means: now that everything has been wrapped up, it is time to leave.

Family Member:
これで失礼いたします。
Kore de shitsurei itashimasu.
Excuse us.

Grammar Note: Using「いたします」(humble form of します) makes the farewell more polite.

Vocabulary

面会 (めんかい) - menkai - visit, meeting

「面会」means to meet someone face to face. It is a formal word, which may be used when talking about hospital or facility visits involving patients, families, and doctors as well as other staff. When meeting with a person of high ranking at a company, the phrase「面会を申し込む（もうしこむ）」is often used to mean “request an appointment.” When at a reception desk, you may be asked「お約束はしていらっしゃいますか」(Do you have an appointment?).

Usage examples:

決まり (きまり) - kimari - rule

「決まり」is often used to mean the same thing as「規則（きそく）」. The phrase「決まりとなっております」may be used at some facilities to mean「規則です」(There is a rule.). In the case of a sentence like「夕方に散歩（さんぽ）するのが決まりだ」(It’s my custom to take a walk every evening.) means that you do something often, although it is not a formal rule. In this sentence, you can use the word「決まり」but not「規則」. 規則 refers to a rule, procedure, or pattern of behavior that is done for a specific purpose.

Usage examples:

気に入る (きにいる) - ki ni iru - to like, to be pleased with

To find something or someone satisfactory or pleasing.

召し上がる (めしあがる) - meshiagaru - to eat/drink (honorific)

The respectful form of 食べる (to eat) and 飲む (to drink).

仕方ない (しかたない) - shikata nai - can’t be helped, no choice

An expression accepting something that cannot be changed.

Cultural Notes

Gift-Giving Culture in Japan (お土産 - Omiyage)

Gift-giving is deeply ingrained in Japanese culture, especially:

However, many workplaces, especially hospitals and care facilities, have strict no-gift policies to:

Politely Declining Gifts

When refusing gifts in Japan:

  1. Acknowledge the sentiment first -「お気持ちはありがたいのですが」
  2. Explain the reason - Mention the rule or policy
  3. Depersonalize the refusal - Use「決まりになっております」
  4. Show appreciation - Make it clear you value their thoughtfulness

Never simply say「いりません」(I don’t need it) or「ダメです」(No/That’s not allowed) as this is too direct and can offend.

～になっております Pattern

This pattern is commonly used in service industries to:

Grammar Points

1. ～でしたっけ - Was it…? (confirmation of forgotten information)

Used to confirm information you’ve been told before but may have forgotten.

Formation: [Plain form/Polite form] + っけ

Examples:

2. ～になっております - It has been decided that… (formal explanation of rules)

Used to explain rules, policies, or established facts in a polite, official manner.

Formation: [Verb plain form] + ことになっております
[Time/State] + になっております

Examples:

3. お気持ちだけ頂きます - I’ll just receive your sentiment

A polite way to refuse a gift while acknowledging the giver’s kindness.

Pattern: お + 気持ち + だけ + 頂きます

This phrase literally means “I’ll just receive your feelings” - accepting the thought but not the physical gift.

4. 仕方ない (shikata nai) - Can’t be helped

Expresses resignation to circumstances beyond one’s control.

Usage:

Examples:

Tips from this Dialogue

  1. Acknowledge kindness first - Always recognize the giver’s good intentions

  2. Explain it’s a rule - Use「決まりになっております」to depersonalize the refusal

  3. Use formal language - 「おります」instead of「います」shows respect

  4. Don’t say “No” directly - Never use「いりません」or「ダメです」

  5. Accept the sentiment - Use「お気持ちだけ頂きます」to show appreciation

Keigo (Polite Language)

Honorific forms (尊敬語):

Humble forms (謙譲語):

Polite expressions:

Kanji

決 (decide, determine)

Readings:

Compounds:

Practice Points

  1. Using ～でしたっけ to confirm forgotten information
  2. Explaining rules with ～になっております
  3. Politely refusing gifts with お気持ちだけ頂きます
  4. Using 仕方ない to accept unchangeable situations
  5. Honorific language: 召し上がる for eating

Source: NHK WORLD-JAPAN “Easy Japanese for Work” Lesson 18
https://www3.nhk.or.jp/nhkworld/en/tv/easyjapaneseforwork/skit18.html